Sunday, June 6, 2010

Eat, Pray, Worry????

I'm reading Elizabeth Gilbert's book, "Eat, Pray, Love," one word. WOW.
I don't usually go down the path of nonfiction outside newspapers and magazines, so this is outside my comfort zone a bit. But this book is such a nice read.
Not only am I enjoying the writing, but I'm finding that it makes me feel like I'm not alone. This woman's experience is easy to connect with. I want to go to Italy and eat my way through 4 months. I'm not a good traveller either, but I still love it. I love yoga and I too suffer from depression.
Ironically, she has given me so much to contemplate and some real tools that can help with my constant search for peace and grace. She struggles with silence and meditation as much as I do, and she kicks its butt... so maybe I can.
At one point in her book, Ms. Gilbert personified depression and loneliness. It was such a good description of how they kind of take you over, that I put the book down and thought about how anxiety works its way into my life. It's like those cartoon monsters huge and dark on the wall of your bedroom at night... but if you look really close there's a little tiny two-inch monster standing in front of the light making the shadow.
So I decided to picture this little fella in my mind and invite him to jump up on the bed and talk to me. When I finally got ahold of him, he was wily, strong and muscular. So, I grabbed him, held him down, hugged him and cuddled him close. I calmed him with my voice and told him, he didn't have to go around scaring me anymore. He was just a little guy, and we could try to be friends.
He's still creeping around and jumping out at me, but now when I see a glimpse of him, or he wakes me up in the middle of the night, I try to calm him down and tell him to settle in, I'm not going anywhere, and everything is going to be alright. Afterall, I'm almost 50, and I haven't starved yet, my kids are doing ok, and I have a roof over my head.
And he's just a little guy --Really.

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