Changing it up

Last year I began to realize that I was spending a lot of time doing things that had ceased to mean anything to me. I was on boards and a part of organizations that had become tedious and in some cases, for various reasons, difficult. However, I take my commitments seriously, so I vowed to give it some time, review my participation, allow myself to admit when I truly was enjoying an experience or when I was not. I thought I would be able to accomplish this over a summer, but as it turned out, it took me much longer to fight through my reservations. 

I want to make it clear, all of the organizations of which I have been a part are very important. Each and every one of them has a mission and a purpose in which I believe. But it had ceased to be MY calling to be directly involved in their development. 

My business, family and health began to creep forward this year. All of them demanding more and more of me. But even then, I tried to keep up with everything, it was not lightly that I moved forward with my goal.

But now almost an entire year has passed, and I have finally resigned from the positions that were no longer purposeful for me. I have decided on a new path. I am on a mission to invest my precious time and energy into things that give my life purpose, meaning and joy. 

One of those is simple and obvious, the amazing people with whom my life has been blessed. I suspect the rest will find its space in time, and just the fact that I am allowing for and opening myself to joy will invite it into my life. 

This morning for starters, I'm going to walk my dogs in the rain then I'm taking a Yoga class, then some wonderful work with my fabulous clients. I suspect I will feel joy in each moment. This is a marvelous new experience for me. 

Blessings all in your days, may you find your bliss.

I used to be...

When I was in my 20s, I knew a lot of really incredible women who were in their 40s and 50s who actually put up with my youth and immaturity without killing me. I was lucky. Yesterday in yoga class, I was doing my poses and checking my posture in front of the large mirror, when I heard an echo from those days, but it was coming from my side -- I heard myself think, "I used to be able to do a back bend. I used to be able to do the splits, I used to have a smaller tummy, arms, back, I used to..."

When I would hear these fabulous women of my youth say "I used to..." it would seem strange to me. I was sitting there looking at someone I respected, thought was great and beautiful and all they would talk about was a person from the past that I couldn't see and therefore thought irrelevant. NOW here I am being the "I used to..." person.

So there in some ungodly position in front of the mirror I decided to banish "I used to..." The past is over and gone. I am a person who knows what I want, who lives in the present, who is trying to improve myself,  who is doing and being in the present.

It is hard as we grow older to stay present and to realize that we are valuable, beautiful beings in the here and now. I don't want to forget what I was and I won't, but I also don't want to go back there. I may have been thinner and more flexible, but I was not as strong, as centered, as experienced, as tolerant then as I am now.

I am grateful in the present for the life I have lived, the strong and flexible body I have been given, the beautiful people who have graced my life and shown me what it means to live a full and glorious life at any age.